I also couldn't be arsed to make the font big enough. It's almost legible. Almost.

Hey Brad Stuart! The last time I saw you in teal, you were just days away from being traded. I didn't even know your name when you got moved, but I sure as hell learned Joe's fast. Anyway, it's nice to have you back. You can slide in right over there, in that gap where Colin White used to be. What's that you say? He's not gone yet? And you haven't signed? Well, hey, that's ok. Colin's in the bathroom on break. You can just keep his spot warm for him for a bit. Maybe all next season.

So what's the deal, eh? Andrew Murray and a conditional 7th round pick in 2014? Say, you used to be pretty expensive, right? Well, You know, I'm ok with this. For one reason or another we didnt' see much of Murray squared last season and no one watches until the 7th round of the draft anyways, right? But hey, welcome back. I hope it works out. Maybe you can show the rest of our blue line what it takes, I don't know. I'm willing to try if you're willing to sign for a decent price. That's really all I'm asking.

Crazy ideas start to float around in your head once summer starts in a desperate attempt to fill the non hockey void. Fortunately for me, there's Deadliest Catch. During a viewing of the show, I was suddenly struck by a wondrous idea. What if Catch met the NHL and they then smushed their digital bodies together to produce some sort of grotesquely watchable love child? So overwhelmingly fantastic was this notion that I could not fully grasp it by myself. I called LeNoceur on my trusty twitter phone and he created a deviously good line up of lovable (and occasionally unlikeable) characters. Ready to allow us into their lives we would follow these creatures to hell and back, or at least, to the playoffs.

The love child of hockey and Deadliest Catch is a strange one pairing the search for the elusive season ticket holder with the power and majesty of the icy Bering Sea. The Sea is a beast in and of itself, but the random and deadly Jonathan Quick can appear at anytime to dash the playoff hopes of all who meet him. Woe be to he who crosses the rogue waves of Jonathan Quick's watery mass.

I think we have a hit on our hands here.

 

NHL Productions Presents:
THE DEADLIEST CATCHING GLOVE

Starring:
The Wizard
Paul MacLean............as Captain Keith Colburn Jordin Tootoo..............as Deckhand Lenny Lekanoff

The Time Bandit
Brendan Shanahan.....as Captain Andy HillstrandMatt D'Agostini...........as Deckhand Jake Harris

The Northwestern
Mike Babcock............as Captain Sig HansenHenrik Zetterberg........as Deck Boss Edgar Hansen

The Ramblin' Rose
Sidney Crosby...........as Captain Elliott Neese Mike Richards............as Engineer Kevin "Kado" Davis

The Seabrooke
Doug Weight.............as Captain Scott Campbell, Jr.Martin Havlat.............as Deckhand Chris "Whipper" Welch

The Kodiak
Gary Bettman...........as Captain "Wild Bill" WichrowskiBill Daly, Jr...............as Deckhand Adam McCalden

Synopsis: The crews of these ships take to the icy waters of the Bering Sea in search of the elusive and lucrative season ticket holder. In addition to the wind, waves, and weather, they will also have to battle the random appearance, video-game-boss-style, of a 50-foot-tall Jonathan Quick.

Narrated by Mike Holmes.

Well, it took awhile, but I finally found something I want to blog about. It's not like I've suffered from a shortage of potential subject matter. The Sharks ownership group gave Doug Wilson the thumbs up to continue as GM, Vlasic and Braun headed off to Worlds (Vlasic is now out with a MCL sprain), McLellan's tenure as head coach remains up in the air (but still seems more certain than it does for some of his assistants), trade rumors and rosterbation are in full swing, and the Kings are well on their way to driving Sharks fans crazy. Lost amongst all that written noise that was a tweet. A tweet lead me to the story about Sarah Phillips and how she conned a great many people in the sports betting and blogging world. That caught my attention for you see, I too, have run afoul of a con artist. I wanted to help people understand how easy it is to be caught up in something like that and how much you hate yourself after.

We all think we can spot them a mile away; con artist just out for a quick buck or a thrill, but in reality it's not that simple. ESPN is learning that the hard way and I did too. For many reasons I am disinclined to give details, but the parallels between my experience and Ben and Matt's was pretty stunning. Looking for a way to make money, offered a pretty good deal that checks out fairly well, many people would jump at the chance Sarah Phillips offered. And that's the point. While I was out of work, Ben was dazzled by the potential, and Matt was caught up in what he thought was a business deal, the basic idea is the same. Add enough realism, put on a show, have forms, files, phones numbers, company names, everything people check out to back it up. Be confident. It's pretty easy from there.

I checked my opportunity out like mad. I had other people check it out. It was pretty clean. It looked good. So I went for it just like Ben and Matt did. They had the added lure of thinking they were entering into business deals with someone who worked for ESPN. That's not a chance you screw up. You take it and run. It's only later that you realize what all the signs were and how hard the con artist worked to make you ignore them. How much they do their best to keep you too distracted to notice what is really going on. Like a magician's slight of hand, they get you to see everything but what they don't want you to.

My losses we relatively small compared to Matt's and likely less emotional than Ben's, but I can still sympathize with what they went through. You never feel more utterly shamefully stupid than after your realize someone took advantage of you. We're all supposed to be smarter than this but we aren't. We never were and now that fact is dangling right there in front of your face. People will judge you for it, ask how you could be so stupid, but the thing is cons work because the people running them are good at what they do. This is their job. If they want to stay in business (and out of jail) they need to be convincing. They're way more subtle then what we see on tv. They aren't Sawyer in a cheap hotel room "accidentally" dropping open a suitcase full of money, they're normal looking, regular folks who blend in well and seem reasonable. They'll have evidence to back up their claims and even meeting them face to face won't necessarily out them. They lie for a living and when you do that, you can fool just about anyone.

Bear this in mind when you start to joke around about how stupid Ben and Matt might be or you too may one day find yourself on the other side, lost and pissed off with nothing to show for it but a red face and a tough lesson learned.

First off, I'd like to congratulate the Blues on their series win last night. Couldn't be a nicer group of rivals fans on the internet. They've been waiting a long time for this day. I hope your boys do well in round 2. I don't normally cheer for teams the eliminate the Sharks, but I'm fully on the Blues bandwagon this year. There's no way I root for the Kings in round 2. Hell no. Blues all the way. If you want to experience the awesome Blues community for yourself check out St. Louis Game Time and Bloguin's own Thrashing the Blues.

Over the next few days to weeks, I'll be doing my own versions of post mortems, hopefully talking about why we fans even bother with the playoffs at all, considering the stress levels, and making guesses as to what's going to happen during the off season.

Until then, I'll be taking a few days to mull over the season before blogging about it. Keep checking back during the summer, as I'll have some cartoons, silly articles, and things close to real analysis for you.

Last night was a game, a few rounds of WWE and MMA all mixed into one. The Sharks looked gassed, but managed to split the series and are heading back to San Jose tied 1-1. Considering how they looked last night, I'll take it.

Nemo stood on his head once again, keeping the Sharks in the game when they struggled. It could have been a lot worse. The Sharks played relatively well in the first, own goals ignored, but slowed way down in the 2nd and 3rd, allowing St. Louis to carry the game. Forced to play the Blues game, the Sharks looked labored, slow, and disconnected. They feel victim to their own frustrations, and instead of playing hockey, tried to play Duck style (read as goonish) hockey. It was not successful.

There were a bunch of penalties, 88 PIM handed out after the last buzzer alone, continuing the trend of undisciplined games where high hits and lack of class from both sides are ignored by the refs until it's way too late. At this point, Burns isn't likely to have a hearing regarding his elbow throwing, Sobotka isn't going to have a hearing for sucker punching Moore (who didn't seem at all included to fight) and they trying to pummel him once he fell to the ice. To his credit, when Moore moved into a defensive posture and shouted, Sobotka stopped and just hung above him, fist ready but not moving. Andy MacDonald claimed Galiardi threw an elbow so hard his helmet cracked, which prompted Galiardi to troll back with a comment about his cracked shoulder pads.

It's never a good sign when there's more to be said about the fisticuffs and shenanigans in the game than the play, but that really sums up the direction the game took last night. It's like the Sharks and Blues heard about the Rangers and Sens and said "we can do that" then kinda did, got tired, took a nap in the middle, then woke back up at the very end. The Sharks would be well advised to stay clear of such tactics come Monday, especially if they want to take both games at the Tank and go back to St. Louis with a lead.

And what do you think, Ray Ratto?

Awwwww yeah.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what a game THAT was!

Whoever made this gif is a genius.

Double OT for game one? A comeback tie with less than 6 minutes left in the third? A 1st OT period that the Sharks survived ONLY because of Niemi? A win over the Blues in their barn? What a ride!

Teams should hand out oxygen tanks for the playoffs so we can all keep breathing during the game. There was something desperate in my desire for the Sharks to take game one, to not be the one failed upset win in game one. Usually I can sail through a game without too many emotional highs and lows, but come of the playoffs all bets are off.

The Sharks HAVE to win this one. The HAVE to. They need to prove that they CAN win against the Blues. More than anything, they have to put the regular season behind them and focus on getting out of round 1 victorious. There's simply no other choice.
Ok, there IS another choice but I don't really like it so, I'm pretending it doesn't exist.

I listened to the game, huddled around my radio, wondering, "Why do I do this to myself? Why do I WANT this so bad very season. The playoffs are too stressful OMGWHYCAN'TYOUCLEARTHEZONEJUSTCLEARTHEZONE??!??"

All I want is for the Sharks to beat the Blues. Is that so much to ask? Is it statistically impossible? The Sharks seemed to be taking the 1st and 2nd into their hands and controlling the game, but the Blues came back on in the third. The tying goal found the back of the net just a minute into the third. Why did it have to be the third?! Why not the second?! There's WAY MORE hockey left if it happens at the start of the second. Now, wait a minute here, lets calm down. It's not like the Sharks haven't come back to win before. They can do this. I know they can! Even as the minutes ticked away...they just need to get to OT! All the Sharks need is to get to OT!

I cheered out loud for Desi's tying goal. It was like a verbal release of the stress of game 1. Thank the hockey gods, the Sharks still have a chance. THE GAME IS TIED.

I listened to the end of the 1st OT in my garage. It would have been bad luck to get out. (the penalty call is from the third but ehh)

There's this weird phenomenon in hockey where you can feel a play building and turn into a goal before a team actually scores. That was the feeling of the entire 1st OT period. St. Louis always seemed to be on the verge of a goal. I really don't know how the Sharks managed to escape that period alive. Nemo held them in, but St. Louis was buzzing. They had 14 shots in the OT period, compared to the Sharks 8. Not a huge discrepancy, but large enough to get the win if Nemo isn't on top of his game. Generally being on your heels for 20 minutes is NOT a good thing, but the hockey gods must have been smiling on the Sharks (or watching baseball) to give them a pass. At this point I see RudyKelly tweet something about the 4 OT loss to Dallas a few years ago and suddenly I start to wonder just how long this first game will go. ( I also wanted to kick RudyKelly in the nuts, but he'd probably enjoy it)

Double OT begins, this time on my TV instead of the radio. Suddenly living on the West Coast looks really good to all the fans up watching a very late East Coast game. The pressure seems to be back and forth, back and forth, each team getting chances before chasing down the puck in the opposite end. It ended in 3 minutes and 34 seconds, but it felt like an hour. 

There is a little bit of controversy surrounding the play, whether it was a pick or not. Milbury claims the Sharks cheated, but Mike Milbury probably believes the moon is made of cheese. It's possible the linesman missed the call there, but then again, they miss picks against the Wings all the time, so you tell me how often that play is called. Either way, Couture gets the puck to Clowe who sets up Havlat for a beautiful slap shot to end the game. The Sharks take a very important game one from the Blues, 3-2.

Game two is Saturday at 4:30pm. Find it on TSN, CNBC, RDSI, CSN-CA HD and on the radio at 98.5/102.1 KFOX.