Improving The All Star Game
The All Star Game is upon us once more and predictably, people are more upset about who's not going than who is, despite feeling that the game is a horrible idea that's appeal rates right up there with enemas. There's really nothing one can do about snubs, since voting for these things is ridiculously broken anyway, but what we can change is the excitement level of the game. I complied a list of, what I believe to be, some of the most needed and revolutionary changes that All Star Game has even seen. Toss a few of these babies in, and BOOM, you can milk this thing like the Winter Classic.
ROBOTS!
One of the biggest complaint about the All Star Game is the lack of emotional play and player contact. No one really wants to hurt a guy at the All Star Game; it's not very sporting. Everyone knows this is a glorified exhibition game and the winners are the guys who get to go back to work with no additional injuries. So how can we improve this?
Robots. Play the game with robots.
Hear me out for a second. The league makes robots that look like the all the players. Whichever ones are selected for the All Star Game are shipped to the appropriate location and activated via a psychic connection with the player they represent. Each human player, safely tucked out of harms way and off the ice, will then use modified xbox controllers to control the robots and play the game. How great is that?!
The players can slam each other into the boards, check with wild abandon, fight until they bleed, figuratively speaking, throw each other off the boards and skate on their hands. And when the game goes to a shootout, the players taking the shot will use ROCKET SKATES. Imagine, a shootout at 250 mph! That's what you call exciting.
LASER PUCKS!
Not the glowing puck of old, but actual laser pucks. Pucks. MADE WITH LASERS. And they players us laser sticks! It'd be like playing with lightsabers. They're be set to stun of course, so you can incapacitate your opponent but you can't chop of heads or anything. That wouldn't be very sporting.
THE CHIRP OFF
Remember this commercial?
It's time make this an actual event. Sure, this applies more to the Skills Competition than it does the actual game, but how awesome would it be to watch these guys square of in a sudden death round of yo momma jokes?
DINOSAURS!
What? Dinosaurs are cool.
ROBOTS!
One of the biggest complaint about the All Star Game is the lack of emotional play and player contact. No one really wants to hurt a guy at the All Star Game; it's not very sporting. Everyone knows this is a glorified exhibition game and the winners are the guys who get to go back to work with no additional injuries. So how can we improve this?
Robots. Play the game with robots.
Hear me out for a second. The league makes robots that look like the all the players. Whichever ones are selected for the All Star Game are shipped to the appropriate location and activated via a psychic connection with the player they represent. Each human player, safely tucked out of harms way and off the ice, will then use modified xbox controllers to control the robots and play the game. How great is that?!
The players can slam each other into the boards, check with wild abandon, fight until they bleed, figuratively speaking, throw each other off the boards and skate on their hands. And when the game goes to a shootout, the players taking the shot will use ROCKET SKATES. Imagine, a shootout at 250 mph! That's what you call exciting.
LASER PUCKS!
Not the glowing puck of old, but actual laser pucks. Pucks. MADE WITH LASERS. And they players us laser sticks! It'd be like playing with lightsabers. They're be set to stun of course, so you can incapacitate your opponent but you can't chop of heads or anything. That wouldn't be very sporting.
THE CHIRP OFF
Remember this commercial?
It's time make this an actual event. Sure, this applies more to the Skills Competition than it does the actual game, but how awesome would it be to watch these guys square of in a sudden death round of yo momma jokes?
DINOSAURS!
What? Dinosaurs are cool.
