Were I, a member of my family, or a friend eligible and up for drafting today, this would be far more exciting. Until they start drafting women who can skate but have this issue with stopping in, I'm not likely to be personally involved in the draft anytime soon. Yet, for some strange reason, every year I am still compelled to watch. I missed last year's draft on account of work, which was a blessing in disguise. Day one of the draft makes pulling teeth look fun (and fast) by comparison.
So, with the day upon us, me with free time, and the start rapidly approaching, I submit to you the following suggestions for how to deal with the mind numbing power that is Draft Day 1.
1. Don't watch. No really, find something, ANYTHING else to do. It will be boring, I can pretty much guarantee you of this.
2. Learn to make soap
3. Tan some leather
4. Fold 1000 paper NHLers
5. Try to figure out what the hell the Flyers are doing
6. Take up knitting
7. Get started on that novel you've been talking about
8. Oh hell. Just drink.
Make it a game. Take a shot/drink/sip when:
- A trade is announced on Twitter BEFORE it's announced at the Draft
- Bettman looks like Golem
- A draftee is picked higher than projected
- A draftee is picked lower than projected
- Versus or TSN analysts make either of the above scenarios into 15-30 minutes of useless filler/conspiracy theories
- You get bored
- You question your will to live while watching
- You ask yourself why you're watching this?
- Anytime a kid has issues putting on his new jersey
- Anytime a kid looks horrified at who selected him
- Anytime a kid gives an awkward post drafting interview
- Anytime you want to punch Mike Milbury in the face, even if he's not there (the feeling just overtakes me sometimes. That happens to everyone, right?)