The Greatness That is Dan Boyle (Girly Post)

Feartherfin already covered this pretty well earlier in the week. That have at least 22 reason why Dan Boyle is better than you. You can add to that list the fact that Boyle got nailed in the mouth by a puck last night and after some repair work, came back to play the rest of the game. Bleeding, fat lipped, and perhaps down some teeth, he continued to play.

Yet, despite this, his picture is now being fan banned from all game day threads. The Sharks lost miserably on Monday, and the commenting community* has decided to blame Boyle's picture. I find fault with this claim.

Below this line is girly stuff. Consider yourself warned.

Look at this picture.

Look at that.

No way anything that amazing has bad juju. I mean, look at those abs! They totally make up for the smattering of chest hair. (guys, it's not manly to have hairy chests. It's just gross. If I want an area rug, I'll buy one.)

Plus, I was at the game. The picture wasn't. Dan Boyle was one of the few players to not have an absolutely terrible night on Monday. We knew he was playing for the Sharks all game, unlike Blake, who seemed to forget he wasn't a King from time to time.

Now, I'll admit, maybe the coat bears some douchey vibes. It is a pretty douchey coat. But this was from his time overseas in the lockout. Maybe the coat is less douchey over there. I'm willing to give it some leeway.

I contend the real reason the picture has been banned is that it makes the boys uncomfortable. Dan Boyle is hot and knows it. His abs are a work of art. Beautiful, amazing art.

Despite not having problems with large boobs being posted in threads and objectified, (because everyone can appreciate a nice rack), men seems to be scared of the objectification of their own kind on a scale that I find almost as boggling as the fact that they don't talk to each other in the bathroom. (Seriously. What else are you doing in there?) Please note that I said UNCOMFORTABLE and not homophobic. Those are two completely different things, and I am NOT going to accuse anyone of the latter on here. That's not something to mess around with.

I have tried to gain insight into this phenomenon, but I've been effectively thwarted each time. No one seems to want to talk about it. It's like there's this code of silence when it comes to attractive dudes.Or, just other dudes in general. Unless they're all fully clothed, it's like water and oil. It makes me want to sneak into the men's locker room at the gym and observe, but I'm afraid I'd get arrested.

I'm really curious how men on professional sports teams handle this issue. And why is ass smacking ok, but talking while answering nature call is not? That makes very little sense. Ladies routinely walk around butt nekkid in their locker rooms. They talk, do their hair, make up, whatever, totally nude and only the smallest of percentage of them seem to care that their boobs are hanging out. For us it's like, well, well all have the same stuff, so it's no big deal. I know chicks who try on bras in the same fitting room and there's nothing remotely sexual about it. This is considered perfectly normal and acceptable. I seriously doubt dudes, even the best of friends, do anything remotely similar. I feel like most guys would blanch at the thought. (and yet you all will get drunk and put on women's clothing and allow people to take pictures. What?)

If someone can explain this phenomenon to me, I'd be very appreciative. It's one the male traits I find uniquely puzzling.

Now that you sat through all that...

Other reasons why Dan Boyle is better than you (and why his picture isn't bad luck):

When the world is having a bad night, Dan Boyle still has a good one.

Dan Boyle possess the ability to be in three places at once. Six on Sundays.

If Dan Boyle was a goalie, only Dan Boyle could score against him. That would force the destruction of the universe.

Rumor has it Dan Boyle is, in fact, one of the hockey gods.

That phantom head butt Cvik called on JoePa last season? That was actually Dan Boyle. He headbutted the other guy so fast, no one even saw him. Cvik just assume the sudden gust of wind he felt was caused by JoePa headbutting someone. It was the only logical explanation.

 

* I'm part of this community. I just felt like busting their chops a bit.